Kathy Change

Toshi Makihara

I met Kathy Change for the first time in 1982. At that time, I had just moved to West Philadelphia, and she lived a few doors down from me. She was tall, thin and very beautiful, sort of like a fashion model. Her presence was very impressive to me then because of her beauty, and because of us being the only Asians in the neighborhood. She talked calmly and kindly, and had pure sharp eyes. Back then, we talked quite often as neighbors but I cannot remember anything about our conversations. 1980-1984 sees one of the best days of Philadelphia's creative arts scene; the city had a strong and hopeful feeling of "we can be fully creative, and make positive transformation happen."

I heard that her lover owned the house, and so she did not have to pay the rent. Or some people said that she inherited a fairly substantial amount of money from her family, and was living and doing things that she believed in. But I am not sure if these accounts were true. I really did not know her life or her work. I was kind of shy, and never asked her any personal questions. She did not ask me these things either.

What I knew about her was the fact that she was a "Performance Artist." She did political performances at various public places in West Philadelphia. She might have been a political activist also. In my block, there was a warehouse, and she performed in its parking lot brandishing huge home-made flags. Usually she had 2-3 people watching, sometimes 10, sometimes none. Occasionally I saw her perform in this parking lot when I was coming home. West Philadelphia back then, and even now, maintained a kind of anarchical atmosphere of the 60's, and that made a great contrast with the conservative rich atmosphere of University of Pennsylvania that stood firmly right in the middle of it.

She always brandished these huge home-made flags at her performances. On the flags, she painted various political messages, and she brandished it, or ran around the town carrying it. She might have done some other types of performances back then, but I do not remember.

I was driving near the Art Museum last year and I saw her again. She was carrying two flags and running across the Spring Garden Bridge towards the museum. When I saw her, I thought "Oh my goodness, she is still doing this." I did not see her probably for over 5 years, and I was very impressed that she was still continuing her performances. And after this, a lot of emotional feelings occured in me. By this time, I had moved to a suburb, got a job, got fat, was driving a car, listening to jazz on radio. I felt so pathetic about this situation. While I got plunged into middle class American life, Kathy Chang continued her performances for over 15 years. After that I saw her once again walking towards the zoo, and that was the last time I saw her.

Yesterday, when I found out about Kathy Chang's death, I was in my kitchen eating barbecue. I read the newspaper article, and was totally speechless. The article said that she burned herself to death on University of Pennsylvania campus. According to the article, she poured gasoline over herself and ignited it. I did not feel anything. Just a shock. I tried to imagine the scene, but could not. What I could only remember about Kathy Chang was her brandishing flags, running and leaping with flags, and her calm and kind voice, etc.

"Why?" That was my initial reaction. Then, I thought that the barbecue I was eating was Kathy Chang's burned life. I did not know what to think. Just the fact that I was eating barbecue in this helpless American suburb. I felt nausea, and opened the window.

I, in the end, could not connect myself to her death, and did not quite understand why she chose to die that way. Maybe she burend out in front of a socio-political gate which never opened for her.

What I noticed was that she never associated with the politically correct "Asian Artists" in town. While many so called "Asian Artists" in Philadelphia were making a fuss about "Asian Arts" and "Asian Voices" particularly in conjunction with the recent multi-cultural trend, Kathy Chang lived so far away from this scene and continued her truely authentic and remarkably pure perfomances.

Once Tatsumi Hijikata said, "To live 100% is to stand face to face with his/her death." Kathy Chang's performance which I saw last time over Spring Garden Bridge that day, was, in this sense, a true "Dance."

11/1/1996